Friday, September 30, 2011

Gamer Lingo

Okay, I've been doing this for a while now, and I'm actually starting to get my groove down with all this gaming stuff. I have even learned some of the lingo of the genre. I have even created a term or two of my own. These aren't anything new, but they were new to me. Here are a few examples.

PVP - this one is easy, even though I wouldn't have known what it was a few months ago. It means 'player vs. player,' like in a fight game like Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. You get to play against your friend without that annoying turn wait thing.

Newb - this is sooo me, someone who doesn't know anything about videogames, or a particular videogame.

Leet - pretty much, this is the opposite of a newb. This is someone who is very good at a videogame or videogames.

Pwn - this is what leets typically do to newbs. If you get your ass handed to you in a videogame, you have been 'pwned.' It comes from the common typo of hitting the P instead of the O because they are so close on the keyboard.

Kill Move - the stupid or clever victory dance of sorts a character does when they have beaten their opponent. It can range anywhere from jumping up and down to teabagging the opponent. Whatever makes one happy, I suppose.

RTFM - this is one that has been directed at me from several people, and even friends, since starting this blog. It's an acronym that stands for "Read The F*cking Manual." Yeah, it's a semi-nice way of telling me that I'm an idiot. I maintain the manuals are too long, too confusing, and assume you have years of experience playing these games.

Turn Wait - this is when you are stupid enough to let someone much better than you play a game first, before your turn. There's also Turn Wait Bastard, which would be the person who's better than you. They also don't have to go first. You could have your turn, then they go, then you go to bed.

The Glenn Method - this is a controller technique, named after me, that means frantically hitting all the buttons, triggers and joysticks on the controllers until something happens - hopefully something good. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm sticking with it.

Got any other words you'd like to teach the Non-Gamer? Let me know. I am always ready to learn, unless it means I have to read one of those instruction manuals…

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Zombie Apocalypse and Why I Hate Jeff

One of the games hat I downloaded a demo of from the PlayStation Store was called Zombie Apocalypse. It seemed a natural based on my desire to "just shoot stuff." I mean, come on, what's better that shooting zombies? Shooting zombies is the basis for so many fun things - the Night of the Living Dead movies, the House of the Dead games, and even government disaster contingency plans. When I saw this one available as a demo, I went to downloadin'.

The characters provided as your controller-controlled protagonist are intriguing and would do better in a role-playing game than as videogame fodder, but still it adds some charm and flair to the game. Essentially, like most zombie scenarios, you're left alive and zombies are attacking - you fight back. Every time I tried this one, the zombies descended on me quickly and I died almost immediately. Even if I had a gun, or a chainsaw, it didn't matter - I became one of the walking dead rather quickly.

I had moved on to other games in the meantime. Jeff and Crystal came over one night and we gravitated to the game console and were looking for something to play. I wanted to show them the demos I had downloaded. First Crystal one-upped me in Nucleus, showing me new games and new levels I was unaware of. See what I mean about needing a PS3 mentor when you're a beginner?

Next, I showed them Zombie Apocalypse, mostly because the title jumped out at them as much as it did me initially. Crystal first reaction to the player characters was pretty much the same as mine, she thought they would be great for the Call of Cthulhu tabletop rpg. She lasted a bit longer than my sixteen second record. She even managed to tear up some of the zombies with her chainsaw.

Then Jeff took the controller. He immediately began to mow through the zombies. After a bout a minute or two, Crystal and I began to object. Jeff shrugged it off as years of experience and having watched the two of us play first. As he continued to trash the dead and even perform new abilities like save innocents and offer bait to the zombies, I got angrier. I had been watching people play videogames on this thing for months and I'm still not any better at it.

I'm convinced Jeff is a mutant, and his mutant power is an unnatural ability to play videogames. I'm going to report him to the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, or better yet, tell the Sentinels where to find him… after he tells me all his gaming secrets...

Friday, September 9, 2011

Hulk Smash, Sorta

Infuriated by not being able to figure out Portal, let alone any of the games on The Orange Box, I wanted something simple. I wanted to shoot something, or smash something. Smash something... hmmm... the lightbulb over my head went off as I knew I had Sega's The Incredible Hulk in that stack of videogames Ray had lent me. That's simple, that's all about smashing. Yeah, baby, Hulk smash!

From viewing the intro, the game is very much based on the 2008 film of the same name. There's Tim Roth as the Abomination, and other lookalike actors in their roles. It's all in place, but at its roots, it is still a Hulk smash game. Or at least it should be.

I got to playing and started smashing and smashing and smashing. But it seemed to be the same old army guys I was smashing and ditto with the walls and vehicles and other various smashables. I soon found that I, as the Hulk, was essentially trapped inside one building. There was some smarts involved in getting out. After a while of trying to jump out, jumping being the Hulk's default flying power, I started getting frustrated.

I mean, this is the Hulk we're talking about, right? Come on, Sega, the Hulk, like Winnie the Pooh, is a monster of very little brain. He should not be forced to puzzle his way out of situations, especially in videogames. His battle cry is "Hulk Smash!" not "Hulk put on thinking cap and figure this thing out."

I was kinda disappointed in Sega's The Incredible Hulk. I may go back to it, but not for a while. In the meantime I will quench my thirst for destruction with Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars and turn the PS3 off for now.